Anxiety….
Ambiguous feels….
Expecting certain outcomes….
So I came to campus to scan and/or fax something… The scanner isn’t working. I’m about to cry. I already feel anxious and sad today. Extra sensitive and feeling everything around me. I’m also feeling extremely angry. I hate this building and how I feel when I come here. I don’t want pity, I just want this task to be over so I can go on with the rest of my day doing what I like and need to do. Alas, emotions are getting in the way. So they, and my needs, must be tended.
Ok stop: When to stop digging deep and do what your soul needs.
So I’m writing this blog post. It’s helping me gather my thoughts and share my experience.
Have you ever been somewhere that carries so much feeling you can’t help but feel it? Just being here in my former building is enough to feel the pressure and judgment that so often happened here. I don’t feel “good enough” when I come here. I fear it. I don’t know how to work through that. Being away is easier. I expected a certain outcome and it didn’t happen. I feel a lot of feelings all at once. I can’t find a single reason that’s causing all of the emotions I feel currently. How can I show myself compassion and accept how I’m feeling?
Recognition: My plan is a failure and I don’t feel safe or loved here. I am not stuck here, I can leave. This is what it feels like to want one answer.
Action: Call a friend. Go home. Put on some punk music. Meet MY needs. Mind map the rest of this afternoon’s task. Find alternative to scanning this document.
I am imperfect and still worthy of love. It’s okay to feel angry. I want to sit with this anger.
My friend just texted me back and validated my feels – I’m not alone. This current state of feels won’t last forever.
feelingthefeeels 